These shots of a drunk-off-her-ass Lindsay Hoehan falling down face first on the ground probably to sniff a pack of coke someone dropped are totally priceless. How can anyone look at this garbage without being reminded of their boozing limits?

Although in her defense, this is just her in her natural habitat. Drunk or not, this cokewhore is always on her knees.

Apparently there are other things Lindsay Hoehan wanted to do with her life apart from her dream of being that one porn star who passes out on the set from snorting coke out of ten black dude’s ass before giving them rimjobs, she decided it was time to author a book. That’s a big dream Lindsay. Perhaps you can first try reading a book.

“I write a lot and it’s very therapeutic for me because then I can see what’s happening on paper,” she tells Britain’s OK! magazine. “I’ve started writing a book. It’s going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There’s a lot to put down, you know?” -via E! News

At this rate, I’m pretty sure all that book would be about are sketches of red bull, stick figures performing 69, coke and if we’re lucky, a title. Dan Brown better pack it up ‘coz he ain’t got shit on this one.

Ah yes. Ofcourse. Do we seriously need a story behind this shit? Exactly.

Panty shots. Thumbs. ‘Ya’ll know the ropes.

Because it’s the spirit of herpes Christmas, Parasite Hilton slipped her lanky mantis-like body in a Skanky Claus outfit yesterday at Macy’s in L.A. I take it her tool of a boyfriend finally took a breather from her disease-ridden ass ‘coz here she is trying to score a dick to land on her lap. Sneaky motherfucker!

Ooohhh to be that chunk of food about to hop in that little cokewhore’s diseased-ridden mouth. It suprises me that she can still lift a fork after all and didn’t resort to snorting her food all the way. You know she’d definitely do that shit after the stash runs dry. That banner pic up there is what a carpet muncher looks like while licking the taco. Sorry, I just had to go there.

Here’s Lindsay Hoehan trying something different out of the blue at E Baldi in Beverly Hills, because something like this doesn’t happen everyday in Hollyworld. I threw in a pic of her hard nippies to calm you horny bastards down. Don’t mention it.

Here’s Lindsay Hoehan’s titty slip Part 219,392. Because what better way to greet the week than to see some cokey tits attached to a shriveled-up carpet muncher, right? Wrong! I’d have a better hard-on seeing Barney the vomit-colored homo dinosaur rubbing it’s own tits. True story.

More of Lilo’s titty bitties making another appearance while at a clothing store, reminding us that Halloween’s just around the block.

Lindsay Lohan’s floppy side-boobs were out partying last night at Busta Rhyme’s show in Paris. Not only was she out rubbing her rotten snatch against every living thing with a dick on that dance floor, but she later on got gang-fucked by a group of black dudes with a durag stuffed in her mouth inside a van in the parking lot of a nearest drive by.

Okay not really. But that’s how I like to imagine it. I mean why not? Just throw a few drinks her way and you know that shit can and will happen to this coke slut.

Take a good look at these pics of Lilo in a white bikini. Does her sagging ass and crypt-keeper body give you a boner? If it does, you just might be one of the few lucky fuckers ‘coz as I am currently marinating my ass in my seat trying to write something blog-worthy about this cokewhore, she’s out there somewhere deciding if she would do Playboy or not. Sure why the fuck not. By exposing her god awful nekkid body, maybe that could land her a job playing the role of Gollum if some dumbass director decides to do a remake. Hollyscoop will tell you more of this fuckery ‘coz i can’t.

“Lindsay Lohan has reportedly been offered $900,000 to pose nude for Playboy! Australian tabloid The Day claims the mag initially offered Lilo half a million to pose nude, but she turned it down. But Playboy has reportedly upped the ante to $900K, and we hear she’s considering it! Sources say, “Playboy has been asking her for years, but it’s only now she’s excited about doing it.” -Hollyscoop

Okay. Two things. One, is there any living thing on earth who hasn’t seen Lilo’s beefjerky of a cooter? And two..seriously? How many sharks does Playboy have to jump to bury themselves balls-deep in the crapper?? Somewhere in his wheelchair, Larry Flint is totally jacking off over all this.

Lilo took her sagging side-boobs for an afternoon walk in LA yesterday and boy do those side-boobs remind me of my grandma’s arm flabs when she puts some pepper on my pasta. I’m really all for young chicks with a bra phobia but this slut is a tragedy.

I swear that by 40, her boobs would be so fuckin’ elastic she could tuck them into her waistband. Hmmm…on the other hand, that solves all our problems.

Lindsay Hoehan’s house was burglarized yesterday by unknown assholes, and police are still on the case. Reports say Daddy Hoehan has a gut it was an inside job and is balls-deep on his commitment on finding out who the culprit is. TMZ tells more of this shit:

“A source on scene tells TMZ that three men were captured by surveillance video breaking into Lindsay’s house in the Hollywood Hills. Michael Lohan tells TMZ a safe was ripped off the wall and a couple of watches were taken. He believes it’s “an inside job” because the people that work for Lindsay failed to turn the alarm on. He says, “I am not going to put up with individuals violating my family. Lindsay is a charitable, generous person that always gives. This is a personal violation and it has got to stop.” -TMZ

Jeezus, for someone who doesn’t have a lot of money, she sure is getting robbed a lot since this is the second time this shit happened. I’m thinking the suspects weren’t after the cash, they’re probably looking for a video of two carpet munchers going at it with each other but what they didn’t know was that this slut snorted it along with her career a long time ago.

In other news, Lilo is taking advantage of her bra being stolen by walking in the streets in a white top, showing the paps some nip action.