Apparently there are other things Lindsay Hoehan wanted to do with her life apart from her dream of being that one porn star who passes out on the set from snorting coke out of ten black dude’s ass before giving them rimjobs, she decided it was time to author a book. That’s a big dream Lindsay. Perhaps you can first try reading a book.

“I write a lot and it’s very therapeutic for me because then I can see what’s happening on paper,” she tells Britain’s OK! magazine. “I’ve started writing a book. It’s going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There’s a lot to put down, you know?” -via E! News

At this rate, I’m pretty sure all that book would be about are sketches of red bull, stick figures performing 69, coke and if we’re lucky, a title. Dan Brown better pack it up ‘coz he ain’t got shit on this one.

Holy shit. Aye Mamacita! Look at that chumbawamba on that Mexican hottie. Pretend you’re not seeing her tranny face if you know what’s good for you. Sure you must’ve seen her somewhere cleaning your hotel room but at this point, does that really matter? That big ‘ol latina booty makes me drive my ass to the mexican border and go fishing.

All I need is a bucket of chicken and some sheet rock and I’ll catch myself one of these in a minute. Now who wants some taco!

Because it’s performance isn’t complete without outwhoring itself, here’s Lady GagMe slipping a tit at the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards. There’s only one reason why this clown whore keeps on dressing like an exhibitionist from Tranny Galaxy. She hates humanity and is hell-bent in destroying us. Well mostly you.

Here’s Lady GagMe at the 52nd Grammy Awards Sunday Night, bringing innovation and futurama to a whole new level. And by that, of course I meant exposing it’s alien crustacean to everyone with an eyeball–coz we’ll be seeing more of that in the near future! C’mon and lol with me here…’coz I’m afraid my ass will bust into a tantrum just visualizing it.

When I saw that pic above, I thought…hey, Marilyn Manson doesn’t look quite as bad as a tranny..then I realized it’s the Illuminati whore. Seriously, it’s a crossbreed of a Disney fanatic and Xenu’s wet dream. Jeezus Christ Gaga…SPARE US!

There’s nothing more refreshing than to see a pair of monster jugs staring back at you asking for some ‘protein shake’…if you get my drift. Who am I kidding? Of course! You fuckers are on the same boat as mine. Speaking of boats…motorboats to be exact(it fuckin’ stays!), here’s Kelly Brook’s glorious chichis wishing you a fappy Friday!

First it was Ashley Greene, next it was Megan Fox, now it looks like the sultry latina goddess Eva Mendes is showing these other bitches how it’s really done. Here she is oiled up and topless in her new ad for Calvin Klein. I don’t know why the Calvin Klein people are being a prude that they decided to hide her titties with a wooden beam.

Sure I can understand that it prolly symbolizes every sonofabitch’s boner but damnit now is too crucial of a moment to be jerks.

DO. NOT. WANT.

Just when I thought this pussy trainwreck couldn’t be any more repulsive, here she is with her flapjack ass on the cover of Muse magazine. Who in the flying fuck is giving this boney slut a job? Seriously? The only time I can see her being on the cover of a mag is if it’s Equestrian, and on the obituary page pretty soon if this bitch doesn’t quit strutting the hoe-on-crack stroll.

Here’s Lady/Sir GagMe in some kind of Thora the Galaxy Whore inspired outfit at it’s concert in Camden last night, thrusting it’s penis in the air like it’s raining fleshlights while spreading the glittery gay love. Damn. Watching this clown vomit’s concert is like watching a porn musical, only more penis.

You can tell by the way this thing moves it’s a freak in bed and it probably loves it in the ass but I mean really–it’s not like it has a choice.

The little midget with the t-rexy arms who could known as Hayden Panettiere is posing for Tyler Shields new book “The Dirty Side of Glamour”. Why do I have a feeling this book is about a horny-ass bukakke midget who has a thing for giving rifles a blowjob? That doin’ it for ya?

This bitch approves. However, since I’m not a fan of little people’s porn, somebody go ahead and pull the trigger!

Because I have a heart as huge as my dick, I’m giving you guys your early Christmas present since Santa’s prolly just gonna shit in your stockings instead of throwing in a present ‘coz we’ve all been naughty as fuck.

Here’s Joanna Krupa butt-naked and hell-bound in making your weiners hard as a motherfucker in the December issue of Playboy.