Okay I know this cheap lesbian low-blow thrill is as exciting as an empty carton of milk but it kinda makes my peen do the happy dick dance. Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page making out on the October cover of Marie Claire. What, is the mag jumpin’ balls-deep in the dyke market now?

I don’t know what the hell they’re getting at here but if they keep this up, I just might consider their shit a substitute for Hustler in my private time.

If this wasn’t Drew Barrymore in that teeny bikini, I’d think I’m looking at a couple of nerds in an afternoon fun at the beach. I wouldn’t notice the guy he’s with anyway—what’s his name again? He’s a celeb right? I just remember him as the ‘what’s his name?” guy in Bruce Willis’ Die hard 4.0. But seriously now, whatever happened to this Hollywood hottie’s pattoties that I keep rewinding every time I see it on Charlie’s Angels? Good thing she’s back on the single’s list since she and that dude from Die hard 4.0—I got it now, Justin Long(more reasons to love google search) broke up months ago. That should get her ass back in the treadmill and my hand back in action.
Check out these photos of Drew Barrymore and Long. Squint your eyes, might help spot her missing badonkies somewhere.