If you follow Hollywood news ‘coz a) you have no life and b) you’re a fat bum who gets off upon hearing latest celebrity homewreck gossip then you may have heard about Sandra Bullock getting cheated on by her douchebag husband Jesse James. If you’re curious as to who he cheated with, wonder no more and believe this shit ‘coz this walking dumpster garbage right here is the one.

Man, he couldn’t look for a more nastier and uglier skank. Ever watched the movie Teeth? It’s A movie about a chick’s punani who has razor sharp teeth that has an appetite for dicks, mincing them to pieces post-intercourse? Well that shit’s pretty much this whore’s vajayjay in real-life except that it’s probably got tentacles in her ass too.

There’s not a lot I like about Britain…and the fact that 90 percent of the population looks like something two fraternal twins would bear if one of them got knocked up by the other isn’t really helping. But when I think about it, most chicks there have bigger racks than bitches here in America. Chicks here are way better looking yeah but  if you ask me which one has the better end of the deal…let’s just say I’m a typical man so my dick has the remote control to my brain. On that note, allow me to raise a teacup with my pinky in the air and say…you did good this time Britain, you did good.

Here’s Gemma Atkinson and her sweetbejeezus of a rack for Nuts.

Gotttt damn! My computer almost crashed because of the magnitude of this bitch’s ass. But screw her ass(in more than the literal form of the word), the real deal here is the face in the mirror. Seriously hoe…what the hell are you??? The ass is not from this world and the face is transforming to match the rest of her gawdamn body!

…you don’t say…Xenu?

Apparently there are other things Lindsay Hoehan wanted to do with her life apart from her dream of being that one porn star who passes out on the set from snorting coke out of ten black dude’s ass before giving them rimjobs, she decided it was time to author a book. That’s a big dream Lindsay. Perhaps you can first try reading a book.

“I write a lot and it’s very therapeutic for me because then I can see what’s happening on paper,” she tells Britain’s OK! magazine. “I’ve started writing a book. It’s going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There’s a lot to put down, you know?” -via E! News

At this rate, I’m pretty sure all that book would be about are sketches of red bull, stick figures performing 69, coke and if we’re lucky, a title. Dan Brown better pack it up ‘coz he ain’t got shit on this one.

In picking the kind of girls to bring home, I always take my momma’s advice. She told me someone with character is always a keeper otherwise she’s gonna be some chick you’ll have to kick out of your bed the next morning. Well mom, I think I finally found the right one and oh man.. does she have a huge personality–on her chest! That should count right? Right mom? Mom?

Here’s my future girlfriend Rosie Jones taking out her ‘personalities’ for me in Nuts magazine.

Because we haven’t seen a pair of hot honkers in a while after my post about the whore clown Lady GagMe, let Audrina Patridge’s sweet tits make it up to you in the old-fashioned way.

Here she is doing the bikini thing for FHM.

Holy shit. Aye Mamacita! Look at that chumbawamba on that Mexican hottie. Pretend you’re not seeing her tranny face if you know what’s good for you. Sure you must’ve seen her somewhere cleaning your hotel room but at this point, does that really matter? That big ‘ol latina booty makes me drive my ass to the mexican border and go fishing.

All I need is a bucket of chicken and some sheet rock and I’ll catch myself one of these in a minute. Now who wants some taco!

Here’s Bar Rafaeli’s ridiculously hot badonkadonk doing the bikini thing once again for 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit mag, giving us a hard-on over something we can’t ever stick our pathetic weiners in and giving us enough reason to continue to fight for Isreal.

And can I just say this? Screw you Leonardo DiCarpio! You have only Titanic to thank for, you lucky bastard.

Here’s my hot future wife Kelly Brook stepping out of the car, but not after those sex-crazed pussy-hungry paps took a shot of her see-through panties exposing some sweet punani flesh. Christ…these paps are really sinking to a new-low. If I was Kelly, I’d think of a way to get rid of those inbred bastards. Hmmm I don’t know, like maybe stop wearing panties? Gawd I’m a genius.

Since it’s a slow-ass day and the celebwhores are in no mood for some punani-flashing, here’s one of UK’s hottest model chick Abigail Clancy doing the bikini thing for FHM. Seriously, with a sick figure like this and an awesome rack, who needs a story? My white wang approves of this bitch.